Quote of the day

I’m looking forward to Christmas, but I’m still waiting for fall.

Emma Unrau – daughter

2011©myronunrau ©iphoneographythis

Mother of all Loss

I’ve lost my mother. She’s gone. And I can’t find her. I’ve looked for her. I’ve looked hard and long but I can not find a trace of her, as I knew her.

I was told that an uncertain Mr. Alzheimer kidnapped her. And he is not giving her back. Selfish bastard that he is. You see, I know where my mother is. I just do not know where she is.

It began quite a few years ago. My mother began to withdraw in odd little ways and then one day she stopped speaking. My father and she were living in an assisted care facility at the time and when unprovoked aggression began to rear its unexpected head, she had to be moved into a different unit for her own safety and the safety of others. This was difficult to comprehend and to see happen to someone like a mother figure. My mother figure. My mother.

Mother was then transfered to a mental facility where they could better deal with her condition. I am not sure it was better, it was just removed and out of the way and the facility (now closing) appeared as empty and void of life as her often expressionless face. Doped up and perhaps suffering from the regular electroshock treatments it was impossible to know what was going on inside of her. What was she thinking, what was she wanting, what did she need, how was she? Nothing came back out of her in terms of communications. Zip.

She would smile and still does at this or that. I am convinced that she understands all that is said to her. It sinks into her and stays there. Her smiles the only communications. That makes me happy. And sad. So sad. I love my mother however I do not know this silent person she now has become.

My mother was recently moved into a better facility and is doing relatively well.

I do wish that this Mr. Alzheimer suffered from the very same desease. Just so he would forget about collecting people into his hellish reality.

I love you mom … I love your smile mom. I miss you. I dreamed about you last night. You walked and talked. I was stunned to see you as normal as you were. Then I woke up and realized it had been a dream. I liked what I saw in that brief snippet of otherworld.