Canadiana 117

You can miss being there.


Canadiana 116

Courtesy of Jake Blunt via FB

1. Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
4. There’s always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
5. Weed.

1. Big rock between you and B.C.
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% it is for the rest of the country.
4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.

1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Your province is really easy to draw.
3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
4. People will assume you live on a farm.
5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!

1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.
2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

1. You live in the centre of the universe.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.

1. Racism is socially acceptable.
2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada .
4. You can blame all your problems on the “Anglo A*#!%!”

1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
2. You’re poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick .
4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.

1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can’t, think they can.
2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still got the big, new bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
4. Everyone has been an extra on “Road to Avonlea.”
5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.

1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
3. The workday is about two hours long.
4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.

Pass this along to Canadians who need a laugh and foreigners who can learn something about Canada and then enjoy a good chuckle.

Let’s face it: Canadians are a rare breed.

The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
· Californians shiver uncontrollably.
· Canadians plant gardens.

35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
· Italian Cars won’t start
· Canadians drive with the windows down

32° Fahrenheit (0° C)
· American water freezes
· Canadian water gets thicker.

0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
· New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
· Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
· Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
· Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-109.9° Fahrenheit (-78.5° C)
· Carbon dioxide freezes makes dry ice.
· Canadians pull down their earflaps.

-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)
· Ethyl alcohol freezes.
· Canadians get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg

-459.67° Fahrenheit (-273.15° C)
· Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
· Canadians start saying “cold, eh?”

-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)
· Hell freezes over.
· The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup

dancing canadians

Canadiana 115

Canadians like a bit of music too. And the dancing that goes with hit (it spelled the way it is pronounced with French Canadian accent)

Cue Music Video now … click it for Canadian Dance Moves

Extracted straight from the youtubes … word for word like this:

Learn Canadian dance moves with this handy video!

In this educational video, you will learn the basics of the most time-honoured and traditional Canadian dances:

– The Lumberjack
– The Friendly Backpacker
– Scrape the Windshield
– The Cross-Country Skier
– The Beaver
– Pile the Poutine
– Pump the Keg
– Skate the Pond
– Spell Your Name in the Snow
– The Curler
– The Glove Save
– The Dog Sled
– Paddle the Canoe
– Skip the Goose Poop
– The Maple Leaf
– Carry the Two-Four
– Tap the Syrup
– Cold as Ice
– Raise the Cup

Van46 Digital

Concept and Dancing: Stina Diös and Liam Kearney (@kearneycation)

Camera: Jeff Higgins (@jeffhiggins – http://jeffhiggins.ca)

Music courtesy of Julia Bentley & Andrew Gunadie:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWQf13B8epw

Buy “Canadian, Please” on iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/canadian-please/id324750877?i=324751049

canadiana 113 a different way of life

Canadiana 112 with a Sick Twist

Canadian love to go camping. We live in a pretty gigantic camping paradise so the May long weekend in these parts heralds the first official camping weekend for those so inclined. It is a much anticipated weekend to say the least and I was one of of those anticipators. I like getting out into the bush for some closer communion with all things green and just sleeping outside is something special. Making coffee in camp is also something I look forward to, tastes better out there, away from the everyday routine. I made sure I ground enough of the stuff not to run out, hehe.

All that week was spent pumping up the upcoming weekend and I was happy to have three days to hang out out there, away from the city for a while. But one dark cloud threatened that idylic notion. You see, here in British Columbia, if you want to hit a camp ground as it were, you have to make reservations now, in advance too and I’d kind of forgotten to get into that mind set and didn’t do that. Usually I roll up to my favorite place, pick a spot and pay the people who come to collect the over night fee. That was, the new ‘is’ is different. I don’t like the new system because it takes the spontaneity out of something that comes natural and making reservations is not natural when it comes to camping. So my plan was to see what would happen. I had not even really decided where I wanted to be and only figured that one out an hour before I threw my backpack into the car and puttered off down the highway and of the city, a big cup of coffee and a smile on my face.

I decided to go wild, hike into a lake I know and set up there. Not my usual place but far enough from all of the other riff raff that camps ‘anywhere’ on this long and probably busy weekend. I started feeling really good when the houses were replaced by trees wizzing past. The day was lovely, the sunshine warm and I was in a good mood. I hit Chilliwack, a farming town and pointed the car towards a narrow valley and a long stretch of road that would lead to where I wanted to be. Nice, a cold clean river on my right side and trees and mountains everywhere else I looked.

©iphoneographythis, 2012©myronunrau

view from camp

And I ended up picking a spot that wasn’t too far off the road too. I’ve seen this road under a long weekend onslaught many times before. People would pick just about any spot to pitch a tent, and not always in ideal spots but I found one that usually was shared by a number of campers. More than perfect for one person this time. I set up my camp, strung my hammock and set to relaxing and enjoying being out there. I was looking forward to two nights under the stars but what I got was an entirely different experience which began with a bit of a sore throat coming on mid afternoon.

©iphoneographythis, 2012©myronunrau

camp setup

How could it be that I had looked forward to spending some time out by myself over a long weekend and then my body checks in with my brain and the two confer for a bit and come to conclusion that while the idea was a great one, my body had picked up some bug somewhere and wasn’t going to be able to enjoy itself as much as I’d wanted? It happened. I got sick. Real sick, real fast. Thankfully my camp setup was not too complicated and I managed to throw it all together and stuff it back into my clown car (smart car), my head reeling, chills and hot flashes alternating my body temperatures in minutes. Time to head for home …

I made it, just. Had I stayed a couple of hours longer, I would have experienced pure hell out there and I am glad that I listened to my body signals and headed for a real bed. Long story short, I ended up in bed for two solid days of fevers and chills. And oddly enough the weather mirrored my condition and rain set it for those two days too. So, it would have been doubly bad for me out there, had I got stuck out there. Yeah, the silver lining in that cloud cover was sweet but being sick is never a sweet thing ever and wasting a whole weekend on being sick when one should be having fun … well, you probably know what that feels like. It’s been a tough week but I’m feeling better and looking forward to trying that again … soon.